Psychologically speaking, it tears the heart out of a man by rendering him less of a man, which often tears the heart out of a marriage or relationship – and usually never for the right reasons.
Men with diabetes often also end up with high blood pressure and bad cholesterol readings, making them particularly prone to suffer from ED. These diseases, as well as the medications required to regulate them, combine to produce a devastating side effect. Without warning and without predictability, the diseases and the meds disrupt or diminish the flow of blood to the male genitalia.
The results are never good. Despite a sexually aroused and willing partner, a man with ED will often not be able to sustain a normally hard and maximum erection to effectively engage in sexual intercourse.
Even worse, despite stimulation from a loving partner, a man may not be able to reach a firm erection and he may even appear to be unable to show any evidence of arousal, yet a man without an erection can experience the ultimate testimony to his arousal – ejaculation.
Sexual performance anxiety is often the result and with good cause. A man can feel as aroused as ever, but not be able to physically translate his arousal into an erection. It is beyond maddening and frustrating. It is devastating to the man and often to the detriment of a relationship.
Never mind that we should be happy that the multiple meds a man takes for these three related ailments helps to prevent a deathly heart attack or a debilitating stroke. To the delicate male ego, nothing is worse than Erectile Dysfunction Disorder.
LIFE CHANGING – FOR THE WORSE
For the man afflicted with ED, the mental and physical consequences include the following:
Lack of confidence in sexual performance.
A loss of self-esteem, leading to other abnormalities, from mood swings to clinical depression.
The onset of a general malaise, lethargy and a loss of vibrancy.
Withdraws from friends and social settings.
Avoids any possibility of a relationship if not presently in one.
If in a relationship, he disengages, becomes less communicative than normal and losses interest in sex and intimacy.
“Less of a man” syndrome causes a loss of confidence that affects other areas of his life.
ED drugs, such as Viagra, Cialis and Levitra can help, but they are less effective than advertised for men with diabetes and high blood pressure. If such meds do not help a man’s sexual function, he should report his findings to his doctor immediately.
HURTING HIS BETTER HALF
To a loving man, the psychological pain he feels is not just for himself, but also for his lover and mate in life. We men understand that normal sexual expectations in an intimate relationship includes sexual intercourse. When she bites her lip and tells us that penetration is no big deal, her empathy is a nice gesture but most likely untruthful.
With ED, we honestly don’t know what will happen at any given moment when we engage in sex with our wife or lover. It could go great or it can be a disaster. As a result, this uncertainty brings doubt into the male psyche and becomes a factor in performance anxiety as much as diabetes, high blood pressure and the meds.
Once performance anxiety sets in, warranted or not, it alone will result in poor or failed male sexual performance.
For the man who truly loves his wife or cares about his lady friend, the fear of the impact his sexual inadequacy will have on his lover is dreadful. How can we possibly assure her that our sexual unresponsiveness has nothing to do with her? How do we possibly console her when that moment of disappointment comes during intimacy?
Women may be great at faking orgasms, but they are lousy at faking their feelings of hurt and despair when her man cannot demonstrate how much she turns him on – even when she does turn him on despite the lack of evidence.
We can talk about it beforehand and assure our lady that any sexual unresponsiveness has nothing to do with her. And she may even appear to be understanding, allowing her man overcome the embarrassing moment by trying to pleasure her in other ways.
Yet when that terrible moment of failed intimacy comes, it is such a horrific mutual ruinous moment; the challenge can go beyond intimacy in the bedroom. It can easily adversely affect other areas of an otherwise wonderful relationship.
To keep it in the bedroom and minimize the effect on your shared intimacy, here are a few things you can do:
Talk about it openly and freely to make sure that she understands why a failed erection is beyond your command and control and hers. See a professional if necessary to assure her that it has nothing to do with your feelings about her.
Keep sex toys at the ready so that at the very least, you can simulate vaginal or anal penetration if that is what she desires at that moment rather than give up that aspect of sex.
Know what her next favorite act of intimacy is so that you can switch to it as seemlessly as possible as needed.
Tell her you love her often and show affection more freely so that if that dreaded moment occurs, she still has no doubt that she is loved.
Never waste an erection. When a full erection is achieved, make sure you both enjoy it and make the most of it by accepting it as an unexpected gift of lovemaking rather than an expected rite of intimacy.
When ED occurs, talk about it and be as empathetic toward her as possible. Never let her go to sleep hurt or angry about disappointing intimacy.
What else can you and your lover do to lessen the difficulty that Erectile Dysfunction Disorder has on a relationship? Please share was has worked for you by either posting a comment here or writing to editor@HealthHelpBlog.com.